I was talking with a client this week (I’ll call her Lilly) who was terrified of taking the next action in her career.
She’s been working in the same gig for quite some time, a freelance creative position, but it’s no longer working for her.
She’s not getting paid enough, she doesn’t get the respect she deserves and it’s making her question who she is and what she’s really worth.
Because she’s been doing the work, she knew that the fear of stepping up and moving to the next level of her work was about more than just fear.
See, Lilly grew up in an alcoholic home with an emotionally abusive father.
Lilly grew up being yelled at and told that she wasn’t enough – she’d never be enough – and she should just get her act together.
(Don’t you love when parents try to show love by instilling fear and self doubt? Sidenote: Blame, criticism and shame are not effective tools to get someone to change. The ONLY thing that will EVER change someone is LOVE.)
So here’s the thing –
Lilly created a very detailed story about her childhood which subsequently led to creating a whole bunch of shoddy beliefs that aren’t actually true about her or what she’s capable of in the world.
Her story was that “life is hard and that there’s something innately wrong with me because I can’t seem to ever figure out how to find a creative position that I love and where I feel valued.”
See how this all ties together?
Lilly’s dad was always yelling at her – he made her feel bad and wrong for HIS MISTAKES, thus causing her brain to search for what it could have possibly done wrong to receive his wrath.
She was training her brain to look for reasons why she was wrong – NOT why what she had done was wrong (there was no way to find that because she hadn’t actually done anything) – but why SHE was wrong.
This is now translating into her career because she’s always finding herself in a place where she’s not feeling fully valued and the reason she’s telling herself why this is happenening is because there’s something wrong with her. It’s simply an outward manifestation of a belief that she’s held onto for far too long.
When I dug a little deeper, I found out that Lilly’s fear was even deeper and it told her that if she showed up 100% and played full out with her whole heart in her career, she still might not succeed.
And it makes total sense – because when Lilly tried (and still tries) to show up for her relationship with her dad 100%, every time, she gets heartbroken.
No wonder she doesn’t want to take the risk.
She’s got a program running that says, “If I put my whole heart in what I’m doing – if I really give a damn and play full out – I’ll get burned.”
This is why it’s important to do the work.
If we don’t figure out what these stories and beliefs are that are running our subconscious mind, then those stories get to RULE us.
By the time we got off the phone, Lilly felt tremendously relieved and even happy. She was excited about taking her next steps and feeling much more solid in who she really was as a person and how that had nothing to do with anything her dad had told her.
Freedom is always just one thought, one story, one belief away.
I really want to emphasize something – There is nothing wrong with Lilly and there never has been. Lilly has always been whole, complete, creative, valuable and confident. She just forgot based on what she was taught by her dad. Her job now is to continue to challenge the old belief whenever it pops up and replace it with the more empowering belief that’s actually true about her. Consistent awareness and tapping are vital practices that will keep Lilly on the road to ultimate creative success.
Here’s your Lucky Work for this week:
Think of a painful event or time in your life.
Grab your journal and answer the following questions.
- What is the story you’re telling yourself about this?
- What belief did you take on as a result of this story?
Write that belief down and start to notice where it’s showing up in other areas of your life.
Share with me what comes up for you in the Comments Box below. I love hearing from you. :)
If you need help figuring it out, or want to go deeper, that’s what I’m here for. We can’t see our own blindspots and it can be challenging to turn a limiting belief around without support.
If this resonates with you and you feel like you'd like to explore this on a deeper level, click here to set up a complimentary call with me.
Once we figure out what those beliefs are and where they are ruling your present day life, you’ll be able to move forward with massive self confidence and a deep feeling of self worth and value.