How much love can you stand?
How open are you to receive? (I mean like -- really fucking receive.)
At what point do you become uncomfortable with the goodness in your life?
At what point do you say -- "Oh, no, that's ok, I'm good -- I have enough."
Just like money, we all have a "Love THRESHOLD."
A Love Threshold is the temperature at which we feel comfortable with the love we're receiving (or not receiving).
It's like a love set-point for your soul.
It's the amount of love (or just plain ole goodness and happiness) that, if you move beyond, totally freaks you out.
So if your love set point says you can make 50k in your business, have an ok relationship, some good friendships, and moderate-to-good family ties, and have an occasional breakdown (because, you know, that's just how you roll and how you've always operated) then that's what you get.
And as soon as you start making say, 65-75k +, gigs are lined up, your honey proposes, some new fabulous girlfriends you met at a networking event start knocking down your door, and all of a sudden your estranged sister sends you a birthday card in the mail, and -- no breakdown in site! (wtf!) -- you'll throw a wrench into your happiness to gut it and bring it back down to a level where you feel comfortable again.
You mess up your new client's paperwork or completely blank on an important meeting -- you stop offering affection to your sweetie and start shopping instead -- you "forget" to return the call to RSVP for the party your new girlfriends invited you to -- you don't call your sister back.
And guess what? You get to have a breakdown! (because, you know, that's just how you roll and how you've always operated) -- And that's actually what feels familiar and therefore safe.
Who wants it??
The status quo is good for you, thankyouverymuch.
As soon as you start drifting out of the safe waters -- and can no longer see the shore -- or it starts to feel impossible to paddle back to where you started -- you freak out and want to turn around.
You say you want to change -- You say you want more -- You're open to more and ready to receive it -- And then as soon as more comes, you paddle back to shore like a crazy sea otter who forgets she knows how to swim.
It's scary out there in those uncharted waters.
It's scary up there where the money starts to flow freely and effortlessly.
It's scary up there where there's a ring on it and you are in full-on commitment-mode.
It's scary up there where your relationships and friendships are rocking and rolling and supportive AF.
The question is -- is your mind prepared for all of that goodness and love?
Can you handle it?
Can you handle your life and your business when things are fucking awesome? (And not screw it up bc you're uncomfortable?)
Who do you need to be to accept and receive a life like that?
What do you need to know to be true -- about yourself or about the world -- in order to not F it up?
Here's a short exercise to help you increase your Love threshold:
1. Think about something you really want in ONE area of your life (ex: I want more intimacy in my relationship.)
2. Sit quietly for a few minutes in a place you won't be interrupted, close your eyes and imagine. Imagine what it would look like and feel like to have more intimacy. What would your partner be doing for you that he/she is not doing now? Amp it up. See this person really making an effort to shower you with love, attention and adoration. Do you get queasy? Or do you feel like an open channel? Think about you showing up and extending love in a more generous way to your partner -- being more open and vulnerable and real -- No longer holding back your true feelings. Do you get excited and feel free? Or does your stomach churn? Do you feel nervous?
When the uncomfortable feelings start to arise -- GREAT! You've hit your Love Threshold. It's right at the edge between what feels totally normal for you (even if your "normal" is dysfunctional or sub-optimal) and what feels a little uncomfortable or edgy.
3. Ask yourself what one tiny little step in the direction you want to move in would look or feel like. Maybe it's getting a silly card for your honey. Maybe it's asking to turn off the tv at dinner so you can, you know, like, talk and stuff. Maybe it's initiating a night of steamy hot sex...
Sustainable change happens in tiny incremental gentle movements. Baby steps. Drip, drip, drip. Notice where your edge is and take one baby step past it. Rest. Breathe. Repeat.
(The breathing part is really important.)
There's a lot of noise out there on the interwebs touting fast and ginormous change in 30 days (or whatever). I just can't get behind that. That's not how my love or money or creativity or anything-thermostat works. (And boy. have. I. fucking. tried.) It's the small, mindful, daily changes that I put into place that, over time, make the biggest, most satisfying and long-term difference.
The changes that allow a little slide to the right and a little slide to the left and a little slide to the right, and a stop for a snack and drink, and a little slide to the left.... those micro-movements are the most effective, and (somewhat counter-intuitively) also the most fun.
You don't become a new person overnight. (And let's be real. You're kind of mega-awesome as-is. No need to be "new", just even more mega-awesome.)
Inch your way to the next degree on your Love Threshold. Tap through your resistance and fear and then inch up again. That's how I do it and that's how I coach my clients to do it too.
Want some more?
Sending buckets of love your way (can you handle it?;).