I couldn't raise my hand

So, I was talking to a friend of mine about visibility – and how I love teaching about how to grow your confidence, be seen and really get out in the world in a bigger, more empowering way.


And she’s all like, “Well, clearly, that’s easy for you – I mean, you have an acting background and you’re extroverted – you talk to people so easily. “


And I was all like – “Uhhhhhh….. Are you serious???”


First of all – NOT AN EXTROVERT AT. ALL.


And second of all, every single one of my extroverted tendencies have been cultivated  and practiced carefully, meticulously and thoughtfully.


Growing up, I was one of the shyest kids in class. I never raised my hand, I barely spoke and I would always get report card comments like, “Gets along well with others” and “very nice.”




In school, I was the nice quiet girl who was afraid to speak and deathly afraid to disrupt, assert an unpopular idea or (gasp!) ask a question.


At home, I would hide behind furniture (or my mom) so no one would even see me.


And then there was this English class I had in college (this is my favorite story to tell) – There were about 20 people in this class and I sat on the side in the 2nd row next to the wall in every class.


I noticed that certain students would raise their hand and participate in every class. And I started noticing who would raise their hands on occasion.


By mid-semester, I knew exactly who would speak, how often and about what.


I had never said a word or raised my hand. I just watched. Me and 2 other students just watched.


Then, much to my dismay, both of those students wound up raising their hands and speaking.


I was like – Crap! Now I’m the only one who hasn’t spoken! I am officially the weird girl who sits in the side of the room like a mute.


I never participated in that class.


And yes, I was the only one.


Because I was too scared.


Too scared to assert my opinion. (What if someone else didn’t like it?)


Too scared to answer a question. (What if it was the wrong answer?)


Too scared to ask ask a question. (What if it was a stupid question?)


Too scared to challenge an idea. (What if someone made fun of me or I didn’t have all the facts to make such a challenge?)


Oy vey.


I look back at this girl and I just want to hug her and tell her how valuable she is.


She was so afraid of being wrong. Of being judged. Of being made fun of. Of caring what other people thought of her.


And she didn’t trust herself At. All.


The worst thing is that the beliefs I had running in my head were:


I’m not good enough.

I don’t matter.

No one cares what I have to say.

It’s not ok to make a mistake.

You have to be perfect.


(Sidenote: This translated wonderfully into my dating life.)


I would not be able to write to you today if those beliefs were still running me.


I would not have had the balls to start a business if those beliefs were still running me.


I would not have been able to create a YouTube channel or broadcast live every week on Facebook and Periscope or even think about starting a Twitter account if those beliefs were still running me.


I would not be able to coach my clients if those beliefs were still running me.


I would not be able to take a stand for things I believe in if those beliefs were still running me.


I would not have been able to move across the country without knowing anyone if those beliefs were still running me.


It took me a long time to turn those beliefs around and start writing and living into a new story.


And I did that because I decided that the life I was living was way too small.


And I decided that I would do anything to figure out how to get out of the small motherfucking box I had locked myself in.


And I did.


I figured it out.


I read and studied and meditated and journaled and did the freaking work so I could get to the root of all of my funky beliefs and fears and take back the fucking wheel of my own life.


And I want you to know that you can do that too.


You can make that decision at any point you choose.


All it takes is willingness.


There’s a great big life out there waiting for you.


The question is – are you willing to claim it?


It takes balls, and courage, and chuzpah and hard work. But if you’re not willing to settle for a life that is 2 sizes too small – if you want to bust through the bullshit you’re telling yourself about what’s possible and not possible for you – then take action right now.


Do whatever you need to do to get where you want to go.


You know I am here for you as your coach if that’s something you’re interested in. (And offer free coaching in my private Facebook group (join by clicking the image below) and have free videos for you). But even if that's not your jam – there are a gazillion other YouTube videos and blogs and books available to you for free.


Use every resource you can and every tool you have. Because what you desire – deep down at the core of your being – at the centerpoint of your soul – that’s what you’re here for. That’s what is possible for you.


Don’t give up.