Are you playing not to lose? Or playing to win?

What the heck is “playing not to lose”?

It’s when you take an action, but you’re secretly thinking, “God, I hope I don’t screw this up.” or “I hope I don’t look stupid.”

When you’re playing not to lose, you’re focused on the thing you don’t want to happen –

Which, if you’ve studied Law of Attraction, you know that what you focus on E X P A N D S.

And if you’re focused on the thing you don’t want to happen, it’s much more likely that that thing will actually happen.

Today I wanted to call BS on your new year's resolution. It's said that only 8% of people actually keep their resolutions and I want to give you one powerful question that will let you know if you're going to reach yours. 

First, you need to write yours down or say it out loud. 

Ok, did you do that? :) 

Now I want you to rate how TRUE your goal feels to you. Notice if there is ANY part of you calling bullshit on what you said or wrote. 

If there is, you're not in alignment with what you say you want....

I was working with a client this week I'll call Ann.

Ann has been really overwhelmed lately. Rather than kicking back and relaxing this holiday season, she's been amping it up.

She's cleared a ton of old beliefs around not feeling safe to be visible, around feeling worthy of what she really wants (not what she thought she could get or what would be "acceptable" for the kind of person she used to think she was) and around feeling safe to set boundaries (particularly around saying no to plans that aren't a "hell yes" or aren't in alignment with what she's currently working on).

But she's all like -- "Karen, I am so overwhelmed. All of this stuff that's happening is completely amazing and I don't know how I'm going to do it all in the time I have. And it's the holidays!"

Now, this is a good challenge to have in business, but it's still a challenge...  

If you've worked "regular jobs" for most of your life (or are still in one), you're used to "rules" and bosses and designated breaks and people telling you what to do.

We've been trained to just show up, even if we don't like it. 

And yet, when it comes to our own businesses, consistency of showing up and doing the work can often feel like one of the hardest parts...

I had some really cool opportunities pop up this past week.

Two people reached out from 2 different outlets and asked me if I'd be interested in collaborating.

And then I got 2 more opportunites the very next day that are of an even bigger caliber and I am going to have the potential to reach a lot of people.

It's pushing me to the edge of my comfort zone, which is not very comfortable!

Today, I want to talk about how this happened.

If you're showing up with the energy of fear, fear is what your people are going to feel.

The fact of the matter is, you don't know whether or not your thing will sell until after you put it out into the world. HOWEVER, there are a number of different ways you can make the sale of your product/service much more likely -- one of which is SHOE SALE ENERGY....

I was in a lot of fear this week.

Fear that was telling me I wasn't good enough.

Hadn't accomplished enough.

Wasn't far enough along.

Hadn't worked hard enough (or smart enough).

Fear told me I was less than because that person got that opportunity, that person was prettier, that person was more confident and that person was more successful.

Why tell you this? ....

I know you're getting ready to do big things out in the world. You're ready to put yourself and your work "out there" and make the big difference you're here to make! 

But are you really ready? 

Isn't it funny how money is more of a taboo topic than sex? Or your latest wax job? Or .... just about anything else? 

Growing up, if you're anything like me, you got a lot of mixed messages about money. 

But today, I just want to ask you one question --

How comfortable are you talking about money? 

Can you relate to any of the following?

~Thinking about all of the negative things that could possibly happen in the future – catastrophizing about the worst case scenario.

~Feeling like you’re in a constant state of fear &/or worry – like someone pushed the “On” button and you can’t find the “Off” button

~Stuck in perfection-itis – where you can’t seem to get things out in the world because you’re always finding another thing that’s wrong or needs to be fixed. You have to wait until it’s “just right” to move forward.

~Not being able to clearly identify what you want or where you want to go

~Not being able to trust others and feeling like you need to do everything yourself (probably because no one else would do it right!)

These are all symptoms of being ruled by your past.

In families, we tend to get a branded identity.

Maybe you're "the creative one" or "the smart one."

Or maybe you're "the rebel" or "the black sheep."

That label became who you thought yourself to be in the world.

Now, sometimes branding can be positive, like in the case of "the creative one" or "the smart one."

But if you've been branded something negative or some other sibling was branded as the thing that you wanted to be, you might just be a little pissed off and/or resentful and/or quite sad that you're simply not that.

It's easy to get to this time of year and think, "Oh, well.... I didn't get to where I wanted to be and it's already September (!), so I'll just wind down, call this year done and wait til January to start again." 

What would you most love to complete/ accomplish/ experience/ try before the clock strikes 12? ...

It's never going to be the right time.

It's never going to be the right time to publish your new website, create (or launch) your first course, change jobs, say yes to an opportunity, talk to the shop owner, write your manuscript, move to Italy, crank out 5 fresh new videos, go blonde... etc. ....

Did you know that self sabotage serves a purpose??

Yes, it does!

It keeps us safe and it protects us.

 I know it sounds crazy -- but the any behavior we exhibit as a "hall pass" to avoid another (healthier) behavior actually just wants to keep us safe.

You know, I used to LOVE the idea of “getting out of your box” and leaving your comfort zone and dreaming big –

And of course, part of me still does!

I am a huge proponent of ginormous and crazy dreams.

But I'm also a huge proponent of staying inside of your proverbial box.

See, what happens when you're "in a box" and then try to "Dream Big!" or "leap out of your comfort zone" into some whole new reality that you've never known or experienced before is that you completely freak yourself out....

How much love can you stand?
 

How open are you to receive? (I mean like -- really fucking receive.)

At what point do you become uncomfortable with the goodness in your life?

At what point do you say -- "Oh, no, that's ok, I'm good -- I have enough."

Just like money, we all have a "Love Thermostat" ....

How hard are you making your business?

Do you feel like you’re working 24/7 and never get a break?

There’s a really common LB (Limiting Belief) that pops up for my clients (and myself, let’s be real.)  that says, “Life is hard.”

If you are running around in your life and biz with this belief  that “Life is hard,” then guess what? Things are gonna be h.a.r.d....

WHEN YOU'RE EXPANDING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE, THINGS ARE GOING TO GET UNCOMFORTABLE...

I've been riffing with my peeps about good and bad quality questions this week. (Did you know there was such a thing?)

Poor quality questions keep you stuck in the past.

Good quality questions help you take action and propel you forward.

Which ones are you asking yourself?

Here are a couple examples of POOR Quality Questions:

Every single one of my extroverted tendencies have been cultivated  and practiced carefully, meticulously and thoughtfully.

Growing up, I was one of the shyest kids in class. I never raised my hand, I barely spoke and I would always get report card comments like, “Gets along well with others” and “very nice.”

Yeah.